More to come ?

After spending an inordinate amount of time awake, thinking, driving, suffering I have to ask myself is there more to come ?

Reading and re reading blogs, letters, texts, and emails. Paying attention to dates and times, trying to except every ounce of blame that I can. Seeing so many discrepancies and admissions of this or of that. I’m wide awake all night long asking myself, was there ever more to come ?

More often than I’d like to admit, random drives to ” nowhere” yet always ending at the same place, seeing the same thing. Yes the backdrop never changed until recently but the foreground had so much to say.

Long drives home, contemplating the past(s) and whether there was ever more to come?

So many (un)conscious  decisions, so much fear, so many purposely laid paths to avoidance and even more positively spoken words and gestures of caring. What was to come?

“Sad eyes” saying so much more than any word or moment. It’s like an amimal in captivity, although doing the tricks and seemingly fine, a broken will always show a bent flute. So, was there eveny any more, that could come?

If you speak of the weight of writing on a wall, then why put on your wall how you compare one to the another, and dwell on one while with the other ? While ” knowing and fearing ” the same is happening to you? Did you know there was no more to come?

Life is full of pasts and we all have them, none more important or sad or exciting than our own and they all made us who we are. So NO, there is no way to know whats to come, after all ” life is just beach, waiting on the next wave ”

What’s to come at least for now; hard lessons, empty nights, thought filled days, regression and leaps full of progress. What’s to come is shame, pride, jealousy and “hits to the gut, ” turmoil between loving and letting go. Quite nights in “the closet” with unfinished conversations tucked neatly on the shelf. Joyful moments and wonders of …

Having letting those of our pasts, drastically impact our futures; is there anything to come, with anyone ?

Our futures stare at us daily, thirsty for our love, dying for commitment,  trying to understand what if any role they played in the tears and sadness we have both displayed. Maybe what’s to come, is simply showing them that we won ! Strength, resilience, empathy and the abilty to love again are what the future needs to see. As for what’s to come with you and me; well,  we both shall see…….

 

 

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Author: mistakes11

A lost soul

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